better days,

And so I wanna write. But I don't know what I'm thinking, so it's kinda hard to write down thoughts I'm not sure I even know. So I cry, but tears don't help. 'Cause there's no tear in the world that can change what've happened and there's no tear that can make things better. But so I cry, for some reason I don't know yet. I cry, 'cause that's the only thing i know. It's the only thing I can do right now besides kill myself, whish would be easier because death only last a second, while this pain lasts forever. But despite that, I cry. I cry because I'm empty, so I can not think, 'cause there are no thought. And I can not feel, 'cause I have no heart. And I can not breathe, 'cause I have no air. And I can not love, 'cause love has gone away.

So I cry, 'cause crying cleanse the wounds. But does not heal them. Crying cleanse the soul, it makes you forget. It makes you cry yourself clean dry until there's nothing left, so that it's easier to start over. I cry, and I cry, and I cry and I try to forget. But since there's not one part of my body, mind or soul that wants to forget, my brain won't let me. So I keep on crying, even when I have no tears left to cry.

And so I'm here, crying. Cursing myself because I am so weak, because I am so inlove. I cry because I can't forget something that's not forgetable, something that's so dear. But in the end I can not cry anymore, so I think. I think the thoughts that's not there, about the feelings i can not feel. And so I breathe the air I can not breathe, because there's no love for me to breathe for. To live on, to feed on.
And so I sleep, to wake up every singel day, realising that it's not just a dream. To wake up and realise, it's just to cry more, 'cause you still don't know anything else.
So I cry. And I'll just keep on crying, until that day, when you will teach me, how to do something else. Until you learn me how to love again.
I'm still crying.



Solitde* vacancy, <3