Hate my brain.

I do not always know what to do.. I do now always know what's right.. Im not a wise person who always makes the right decision, though I wish I were.. I wish I always made the right decision.. always made everything right.. though it's said that you learn from your mistakes... but Im not a person who learns from my mistakes.. Im a person who gets hurt from my mistakes.. Im wounded for life from all the mistakes I've done so far in my life so now Im to afraid to get another scar that I dont know what to do...

It's hard to know what to do when I dont know what you feel, what you think, how you discuss.. Im not a mindreader and I have no idea what you think.. it would be really great if I were since then I wouldnt mind if you kept it all to yourself... I like you exactly how you are.. everything about you. It's like it's said in fairytales and shit, it's the faults that makes a person and it's the faults you love and it's them you'll miss if you leave a person.. you love a person for his flaws. I love you for your flaws.. I dont like everything about you, I seriously dont.. But I know that I wouldnt wanna live without them, I already miss everything you did that I disliked.. I miss it.. I miss everytime you did something that upset me.. I want to live with it, I want it around me all the time.. 'cause you know what babes, you make me complete.. you make me feel whole.. when Im with you it feels like I dont need anything else, like nothing else matters.. and it feels nice... I always feel worthless and unimportent.. You make me feel good about myself.. it was like I could be myself around you 'cause that's who I am and that's what I should show...

You dont like me like I like you... you dont feel like I do and you dont miss me like I miss you.. it should bother me.. it should.. it should make me sad since.. if you love someone you want them to love you back just as much if not more.. well of course I want you to love me back but what can I do.. I have no power in that appartment....

you're ashamed of me, admite it.. you'll never come to that state where you will have the courage to show people that you like me since you're one of those persons who care what your friends think of you.. even if you say you dont care, you're not that person that could fall in love with a ugly girl and show her of to your friends.. 'cause what would they think.. if you came around with an ugly chick, she's nothing to show around.. she's not a girl you can take with you and be like.. proud of... I want a guy that doesnt care what people think and that love me for who I am and doesnt need time to think everything over.. I need a guy that already knows what he wants and that can take me out and show me for the world like, look at this girl.. this is my girlfriend. She's all mine and you cant have her 'cause she's my world and I wouldnt trade her for anything... 'cause she's my everything......

you're an isolated person.. I cant take isolated persons.. they shut you out.. I cant take it when people shut you out. I dont like to not be in someones brain.. I dont like to not know what people think and how they reflect about things.. 'cause, hey, like I said... how much I'll always wish for it... I'll never be a mindreader.. I'll never know exactly what people think before they say it.. you can always have a clue.. but you'll never know for sure.. so, as long as Im not "supernatural".. you'll have to tell me what you feel.. orelse I'll never know it.. and if you'll never let me know what you feel... I cant take this.. I cant handle isolation... it's the only flaw I can not take.

I know what to do.. I always know what to do.... I help people. I always help people.. I know whats right and whats wrong.. I DO know what to do in what situation.... I know what to do in this.. but it's just that.. I cant do it.. I know what I would've said to a friend or any person at all in this situation.. I know exactly what they should do. But it's just that.. I cant do it. I cant do what I know I should do. I cant say what I know I should say... I dunno, maybe Im too cowardly. Im afraid of the consequences... I think to much. I do not deal in chances.. Since Im to afraid of getting hurt.. making a bigger wound.. 'cause I know how pain feels, I know how much it hurts.. and I know that I dont wanna go there once again..

I know what to say

I know what to do

I so wanna say it

but I cant say it to you

I love you more then you let me..

Solitude* Vacancy <3


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