Bad changes.

Booze sucks... seriously, it can fuckin totally change one person... yesterday I went to Kim's with my bro.. thn we went to Kåtan, again.. god, there was pretty much more ppl there yesterday thn the day b4... it was pretty fun actually.. goofed round with Gustav ^^ n aye, with kinda many ppl.. took care of "drunk" ppl, god there's many ppl who fakes that they're drunk... how fun is that ?.. seriously... how can you love a person more bcs he pours booze in himself n acts stupid ?! How can that be GOOD ?!.. I cant see how ppl think...
Like you for exemple... seriously.. I was rly badly in love with you b4... it was sum time ago now but I still think you look gd... but from yesterday n farwards I dunno what to think... you totally ruined my picture of you... whn I saw you first you were quite n you jus sat still while every1 else danced n moved round... you jus sat in the couch n looked hot... now it's all gone.. whn I saw you yesterday it jus ... I dunno.. you were drunk n you had snuff n you were violent n it... I dunno.. YOU FUCKiN RUINED IT ! I liked lookin at you.. you look darn gd.. but it's all gone now.. I know that you dont rly look like that.. you're a total cunt...

Well.. there's nothing I can do... I can never do anything.. I cant control any1 n I cant make you love me... I cant control my tears from fallin down n I cant control ppl's feelings... Im useless n I desurve to die...
I like you to much... I dont wanna do this, I dont wanna think.. I dont... I... no...

Solitude * Vacanacy <3


This rly sucks.. or okey, should I take it in the possitiv way first mebe ;D so I wont booore you all at first ^^ Okey, I had a BLAST yesterday actually..! at first I was with Ante... n we watshed Stormbreaker, whish had a DROP DEAD gorgeous guy in it ^^ n then we saw .. erhm, aye ! Ultraviolet ;D it was cool, I so love Milla jovo.. sumthin ;D whatever ^^ erhm.. n thn I went home n ate n I went to Ante again ! This time only to have sum1 to walk to "Kåtan" with ;P n so we went out in the forrest.. it was rly fun ;D since it was SO dark ! Couldnt see like anything.. so it was fun :) We made it to Kåtan n so there was .. sum ppl ;P loads of -92.s ^^ among those, my brother.. n they were drinkin.. or it was their attention, but since my brother were like the only 1 who had booze.. it wasnt that interesting.. it was pretty boring.. but we sat there until Kim n Johan were gon walk n talk serious.. so me n Ante left... we went up in the forrest, to a place where you can see the entire city :) it was RLY cool ! to bad I had a bad camera so I couldnt rly photo it... I can put a pic up but it's not that giving ;D
Well aye, after a while my bro called n wanted to come, cuz every1 had left... so we went along n met him.. thn we went up again n we started to walk along in the forrest ^^ whn we finally found the road, we met Johan n Kim :D so they got their bikes, whish was punctured ! sum feckin arses had punctured them.. n so we got rly angry but we went along.. me n Ante ran round, goofing ;D haha it was fun ^^ n so we tried to climb trees n he jumped at sum1's like.. wth.. dont know the word ;D anyways.. thn Ante ran in a bush n we followed him n every1 goofed round in a bush XD hahahah n Johan dragged me on sum boatthingy.. haha n we forced every1 into a telephoneboot ;D .... I so loved that... you'd been soo lovely all night... but now, oh god.. I could've stayed in that boot all night.. I love whn you're teasin me ^^ I love your precence ... I love your fucking everything ! DAMNIT ! This is so fucking not gd for me.. it feels harsh but, love.. I think I've to stop spending any time at all with you.. I cant let you go if I'll be with you like this... I'll never stop loving you... and I dunno but it feels like I have to, I have to stop care bout you... *sigh* but I dont wanna.. I wanna have you, still.. why am I doin this ?! Why cant I jus DROP it ! Fucking shit ! GOD ! Plz jus take it away from me.. why cant I forget bout you n jus be your friend ?... I so hate this... ;(

Well okey, Im off this now.. had a blast anyways, it's jus these after thoughts that sucks ;D haha I wish I could totally skip them, it would be rly great ;P
Have no idea what to do 2daz, HOPEFULLY I'll get my fuckin operativesystem soon.. ! stupid shit havnt been in town yet so, havnt got it yet... ;P I'll fucking kick his stupid arse if he doesnt give it to me soon... ;P
Well overNout <3 love you all <33

FUCK LOVE THAT AARON'S BACK [L] LOVE YOU BABE, FOREVER N EVER N EVER MORE <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 I forgive you for everything since I cant live without you hunhun [L][L][L]

Solitude * Vacancy <3

I hate this.

Me likes the autumn <3

Everything sucks.. why did you even had to come here ?! .. GOD ! Now I cant let you go... You're the charmiest ever.. I so hate this. Why did you have to live in another country ! I wish it was YOU we were gon visit whn my class' goin to Norway.. </3 It's breakin my heart.. I know we doesnt even know eachother, but still.. your charm did it all.. Everytime you smiled at me it jus felt like I melted :$ you serisouly had this GLOW that jus made it SO hard not to like.. look at you. My eyes kinda.. got drawn to you.. <3
Seriously, whn you smiled everything lightnened up ! Everything jus felt SO much better n you kinda got all super happy ;D I SOO loved that feelin.. It felt good to have sum1 to look for.. Cuz I always looked for you :$ I couldnt help it, couldnt help it that I had to see you all the time :$ you jus made me so much happier.. Jus like Kim did.. It was like the exakt feelin.. it felt soo good.. n so YOU HAVE TO LEAVE?!
I hope we'll meet whn we go to Norway, I SO DO ! But it's like AGES left until that... You've prolly forgotten bout me by thn... Im sure.. You've prolly alrdy forgotten bout me.. Or you mebe never've remebered me at all. . . . . </3

I miss you alrdy <3

I'VE GOT MY COMPUTER NOW !!!! :D:D:D:D:D <3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3
I SO LOVE IT :D Tho I havnt got it running yet since I need an operativesystem... ;( Bah that sucks.. well aye, I've got it now anyways :) Hopefully Kärre's got one for me as fast as possible.. :) Until thn, I can jus enjoy the view ;D

Around 40 days left... <3 God Im longing... there's no word in the world that can explain.... <3

Solitude * Vacancy <3

6 weeks left!

I'm gon die... it's SIX fucking weeks left.. that's like ages.. Well it has gon 4 weeks since last time I thought it was ages left ;P So it's ages - 4 weeks ;D
Im SO dyyyin for week 44, there's no1 in the world that can understand how much Im longing !! :) Im totally FUCKED up bout it.. I cant stop thinkin bout it <3
But thn again, 6 weeks' mebe not that much.. it can go rly fast.. I jus dont need to think bout it 24/7, like I do, thn it might would be better ;P But like it's said, The one who waits for sumthin gd, never waits too long ;) .. But it sure sounds better in swedish ;D haha

I partyed yesterday !! It was sooo fun ! ;D I seriously had a blast. ! I first went to Manda's n there me, Ante, Manda n Mange made food.. or Mange jus laid on the bed, doin nothin ;P Anyways.. we started drinkin n waited for Susanne n so we went to Catte n thn we went to Danne n we were out in the town n yeah.. it was very fun :)
Tho I forgot my jacket at Catte's so I had to walk her home at like 2 ;D But it was rly fun.. Ante came as well :) I want a cheeseburger without cheese ;D Had a blast <3 It was rly nice.. Wanna do it all over again ! :) Fell asleep at like 3 or sumthin I think... Nice night <3

Solitude * Vacancy <3

Life sucks.

Life sucks, that's a fact. I can't go on living my life like this, it breaks down my heart. Whenever I get happy there's always something to make me sad. Or is it all my fault ? Bet it is.. it's probably just my fault because I just make everything hundred times worst then it is. No, it'y my fault because I fell in love with a guy to far away and I pushed him to much and I made him feel uncomfortable so he backed off and left me be.. I guess Im a pusher... WTF, how can I be that? I can't be a pusher since it has taken me almost 3 years to let him kno wI feel this way.. and I never push people, Im the person who makes them take all the time they want and let them come to me first... I can't possible be a pusher...

I so want you back, or the times we had. I've never had you.. well, there was a time when it really felt like I had you.. but I don't think I'll ever have you... I'm so not your type.. seriously.. you can tell me HOW many times you want that you don't care about how I look or how fucked up I am, that you love me for who am I.. It's so hard to believe that you can like me when the girl you where together with before was a total scank.. blonde hair, thin body, many friends and populaire... *shocker* that's so the opposite to ME! It's hard to imagine that you can go from her to me... And you don't know me and you havn't seen me so you can't say that you know how I am and how I look... Pictures and cam lies.. it's not precisly how I look in real life..

I want to know why you are not talking to me, what have I done?
Why have you started to fall asleep wen you are texting, you never did before, you always said I love you before you fell asleep..
Why didn't you talk to me on msn yesterday either? WHAT HAVE I DONE?! You started to ignore me and it's your feelings that have faded away, not mine.. Mine have just become stronger.. And now I can't let you go...
It's sad how everything ends... it's sad how everything goes.. I wish I could have a happy ending..

An ending with you.... </3

Solitude * Vacanacy <3

Sickness sucks.

I so hate bein sick.. it SUCKS big time... n this with workin out, it's not goin that welleither.. cuz first time I was gon workout, my bro had a autummarket, so I didnt have time.. thn 2daz I was s'pose to work out.. but I got sick for like 3 hours ago ! That's SO my luck.. god doesnt want mt to work out, he want me to be fat all my life n be hated n unwanted... stupid life...

We have a species test 2moz on flowers... I dont know like any species at all, seriously.. i'll so flonk on that test.. well well, I dont rly care.. it's jus ONE test n it's not like I've plant to be sumthin that requires that sort of skills... n so we've fysics this week too... ome, seriously I cant handle this. n so I've to do french homework, read a swedish book, write bout sumthin from the antiquity, write a filmreview on the movie Perfume, catsh up in math... Im sure there's sumthin else that I've missed that I actually should do... But I dont manage to do that now... Im so sick of homework.... Im not a homework kinda person... I cant do homework... well.. it's life....

I've been tryin to write a storie, in english.. but it's not goin that well... I've writte quite alot but I've got stuck.. I dont know what to write now.. I think I need to get in this RLY bad I-wanna-cut-myself kinda mood .. since the storie's bout that, so it jus gets better if I rly feel what I write, it f you know wha tI mean... aye, whatever.. we'll jus have to wait n see whn it'll get finished....

I so hate bein sick.. well, now Im off to Ante's to studdy... talk to y'all later, *LOVES* <33

Solitde * Vacancy <3

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass, I'm sorry for everything I do wrong. I'm sorry for everything I do that hurts you and I'm sorry that I'm not what you want me to be.
I don't know why I hurt you or why I always try to make you jealous. I don't know why I always wanna make you cry and why I always want you to come to me. I have no idea why I can't take it when you don't answere or that I can't think when I havn't talked to you. I can't help the fact that I need you and I always want you near. I can't help the fact that I love you.... <3

I'm sorry for the things I've done
I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you
I'm sorry if I'm not around
I can leave you if you want to </3

I don't wanna cry anymore, I don't wanna think of it. I just wanna forget that all of this have ever happened and just start it over. Why can't I just be like everyone else, have a normal life, fall in love with a normal guy, in MY town... Why can't I just be a normal kid with normal grades and have normal friends. Why can't I be the normal girl with a boring normal life, with normal issues and normal family. Sometimes it might've been better if I were normal, that I had all these normal things and just... didn't have to have these udd, strange, wierd things and relationships. Sometimes I just wish I hadn't met you and that I hadn't got to know you, then I might would have another life, a better one? Who knows... All I know now, is that I never wanna loose you, even though it might sounds so, sometimes. <3

Jag Älskar Dig, Joakim Martin Carlsson Lauridsen <3

Solitude * Vacancy <3

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